Thursday, November 25, 2010

A Politically-Correct Thanksgiving Wish

I've decided to wish everyone a Politically Correct Thanksgiving, in only a style unique to me. So here goes.

I hope your germ-free table is filled this year with the following (you mean besides antibacterial hand sanitiser?):

A nice, juicy turkey alternative that once assembled clearly resembles a turkey. (And on a bad day, so does my sister.)

Grandma's "Hearty Stuffing" made with sage, thyme, rosemary, sausage-style meat alternative, egg substitute, greased with the "I NEVER believed this was butter" vegan-appropriate butter-imposter, and bread that contains the following which may or may not be derived from animals: mono and diglycerides, exthoxylated mono and diglycerides, glycerides, sodium stearoyl lactylate, emulsifiers and DATEM (Di-Acetyl Tartrate Ester of Monoglyceride). (WOW. Whose mouth is watering over those diglycerides?? Can't you smell it in the oven NOW?)

Cranberry salad with oranges, apples and pecans, but jello-free. (Okay, so this one isn't so bad.)

Top it off with a flourless, eggless, milkless pumpkin pie. (And gutless. Don't forget gutless.)

Hmmn. Doesn't have quite the same ring to it, does it?

Happy Thanksgiving, my friends, no matter what you eat.

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