NaNoWriMo--Day Twenty, and...Cyanide, Anyone?

As you will notice, I now have a spiff new NaNoWriMo word war widget in the upper left corner of my screen.  WrytingBear is my writing buddy who threw down the gauntlet earlier this week when he realised I was suddenly beginning to catch up to his word count. He may have thrown it down, I simply chose to write about it.  "It's ON baby, like mascara on Prince."  That's what I told him.

About an hour ago, as you can see from the real time widget, I hit my 40,000 word mark.  My original plan was to push through to 70,000 words.  I'd still like to see that happen, but I've been so tired lately, that I'm afraid my first instinct will be to just stop when I hit 50,000 and leave it at that.  I can't do that--I've already got folks waiting on the mss.

During this week when I was churning out word after word, and thus, kicking WrytingBear's arse (and it was gravy, really), I began to realise something about this process:  In my zeal to metaphorically give him a beat down as we were running neck and neck in word counts, I ended up writing 15,000 words in 4 days. That's more than twice my regular pace, and besides churning out crap I won't be able to use, I completely fried my brain and I was SO completely worn out yesterday that I refused to write and took the day off.

But no more marathon sessions for me. There comes a point when it's good to be writing, and then another point when you're doing it for the sake of a word count that won't mean anything if you churn out nothing but a piece of crap. I'm sticking to my normal chapter length of 2,300 words and pushing through even after it's over for my 70,000 words. That way I'll have a rough first draft, AND I won't fry my circuits in the process.

NaNoWriMo--Day Eighteen: cruisin', featured author, and GASLIGHT RELEASE!

Just a few minutes ago, I reached 37,178 words.  EPIC, BABY!  Is all of it going to be usable?  I doubt it, but at least I've got the basic framework for some great comedy, and that was my only purpose in participating. 

I've also made some fantastic friends--one guy in CA who is a writing buddy, somehow threw down the gauntlet, and now instead of being involved in a race to finish our own novels, we're now in a race to see who finishes their own novels first.  Which is spurring me on to write even during the days I'm tired and really wished I could write Father Jack as being electrocuted because I'm simply tired of him.

On Friday, November 19, I will be the featured author at TheIndieSpotlight.com site.  Edward C. Patterson and Gregory Banks have devoted their precious time to help the independent author.  They feature a different author each day of the week, so please stop by and support their tireless efforts.  And read my interview--funniest thing since M*A*S*H.

As of yesterday, my short-story collection, ZEN IN THE ART OF ABSURDITY (link available to the right of your screen in the Amazon widget) hit #76 in the books > humour > essays category for TOP PAID KINDLE DOWNLOADS, and just a little while ago I, out of curiosity, checked the status of GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE...MY UNCLE DOES, and it is now sitting pretty at #66 in the books > entertainment > humor > crime&mystery category.  That is the second time that particular book has cracked the TOP PAID KINDLE DOWNLOADS for that category.

And finally, exactly one week from today on US Thanksgiving Day, my historical fiction novel, THE GASLIGHT JOURNAL, makes its Amazon Kindle debut, and I couldn't be happier!  Again, if you're a beta reader and need a place to slap up your review, simply go to the top of this page, and click on the GASLIGHT link.  It will take you to a dedicated GASLIGHT page that I've set up specifically for your reviews.

That should do it for now.  Keep at it, and remember you CAN do this!

NaNoWriMo--Day Sixteen, and STILL having to defend it??

Just because I'm in the Xmas mood

As we walk along Planet Earth, we do a lot of stupid crap from which obviously no one is exempt.  We run out on dates at the last minute because we didn't realise the long line across his forehead was one, big eyebrow, and not the shadow from a ball cap.  We measure our entire lives in dress sizes:  "I'm losing ten to fit into my prom dress."  Then, "I'm losing ten to fit into my wedding dress."  Me?  I'm losing ten to fit into my burial dress.  And finally, and this is my favourite, we buy a snack of a Snickers bar and a Diet Coke.

But the one thing I'm seeing a lot of, and am beginning to get a wee bit hot under my collar about, is that those of us who are participants of this year's NaNoWriMo, are now getting burned for such participation by "real" writers.  I've spent two days of this week alone addressing half-considered comments on another forum in which I'm a contributing author, from writers too proud to admit they don't know everything there is to know under the sun about writing.  Or, about Nano.

"Mandatory word counts?  Ah--that would then explain the myriad sub-par material lining bookstore shelves."  This paraphrased comment from one writer.

Then another, less-snarky author who genuinely questioned the process said this paraphrased comment:  "Seems the only goal of this event is to get 50,000 words in any order saved to a file.  Big deal."

In short, I am a comedy writer.  I love writing comedy--it makes me happy.  So when I sit down to tackle yet another brilliant comedic essay, or my comedic novel (of which I'm currently writing for Nano), for someone like me who deals with the negative effects of a high-IQ to be able to simply sit and write with the express intent of only getting the story out onto the page is extremely liberating!  Comedy writers often employ something I've spoken about before, called a burn draft.  You sit and write your story as quickly as you can with no thought for content, or even quality.  Then you go back and really work it into something of brilliance when the draft is done.  Do you know how often I deal with that bitch editor of mine?  Too often to count.  So when the chance came to sign up for this event, sure, I had my own questions at first, but decided for once in my life not to over think anything and just jump in with both feet and let 'er rip.

And I'm SO glad I did!  This morning before heading to bed at 4 a.m., I hit the 30,000 word mark.  And looking back on it, while there is one scene of dialogue interaction between the two main characters that I've never been so happy with, most of it will remain after the final draft is done, only to be shaped, molded and worked like fine clay into something of brilliance that my readers/fans have come to expect from me (I'm so full of it I sicken myself sometimes).

So let the LA Times columnists of the world roar, I say. Let those who consider themselves to be NOVELists of LITerature piss all over your efforts.  We both know that those who are participating will only take away from the event only what they were meant to:  If you're not a serious writer, then come December 1 you'll end up trashing what you've written, and if you are a serious writer, as I am, then come December 1 you'll put the work away, have a cookie, and then a month later let the revisions begin.

But in the meantime, the next time someone snarks at you for writing a novel that chances are will never see one of those bookstore shelves, just remember this:  with your metabolism, YOU will still be able to enjoy that Snickers bar and Diet Coke, and that snarker?  In about five years when they're too old to remember their name, they'll be gumming their food.

Life's good, innit?

NaNoWriMo--Day Six, just skipped right over day five

Nothing happened yesterday, anyway.  OH, except I put up some new Christmas lights around my desk.  I usually save decorating till my birthday on November 11 (make note:  I like Snickers and Broccoli), but just got hit with the festive mood early.

Anyway, so yes, I spent yesterday goofing off again, and trying to amp myself back up for writing.

And today, I did it.  I finished chapter two, thus writing another 2,400 words, and am now pushing ahead through chapter three, with an attempt to finish by tonight so I'm not too far behind on my NaNo word count.  Instead of NaNo's requisite 50,000 in 30-days, I'm shooting for a complete novel at 80,000.

I've often wondered during the last few days the point of pushing ahead with a novel that obviously isn't very good when you first hork it up.  And then I remembered all the trouble I had with continuity on The Gaslight Journal (Making its Kindle debut on Thanksgiving Day!), and found myself grieving because I hadn't written that in close to one sitting and just kept pushing through with it.

Which is, I guess, the reason the experts tell you to write your essays and spec scripts for sitcoms in what they call the "burn draft" style.  Meaning, you park your ass in the chair, and just write--you "burn" through it.  Then once you're done with your literary projectile vomiting, you go back and employ all the techniques you've learned for revisions and edits--thus, shaping it into a thing of beauty that will obviously be ready for human consumption. 

I never knew if that technique worked for novels, but for me, at least on this one, it sorta does.  I'm finding that I'm having much less trouble with details of specifics in previous chapters, thus, less re-reading involved, because I've got Frank Caravechi's younger brother Vinnie already locked in my short-term memory.  I already know when I delve into chapter three in about ten minutes that Sharks Avery is the US Marshal that will help Jack set up his temporary home in South (And not Southwest) Boston.  I automatically know that if Jack takes a tour of his new city, that his severe OCD and claustrophobia will preclude him from riding in a dirty, smelly cab.  Although, if I want to be a real bastard about it, that might create a nice piece of comedic tension.  We'll see what kind of mood I'm in once I finish my Snickers.

So, yeah--it's got definite advantages.

And now my break is over.  Will check in tomorrow.  And thanks for following this sordid saga.  We'll call it, "As The Colon Churns."

Rumours of my death are greatly celebrated....

Well, mostly by close friends and family, but follow along.

Today was official kick-off day for NaNoWriMo.  Well, actually, it was last night at local midnight time.  And if you're not a writer, or you are and living under an inkwell, then you might not know that this oddly-difficult to type acronym stands for National Novel Writing Month.  The idea is to get you to park your ass in a chair, wipe the potato chip grease from your fingers, place them over the keys and PUSH.  You write 50,000 words (and to my credit, the rules didn't really say they had to be in any specific order) in 30 days, which roughly comes up to be 1,666 words each day.



Steve Warburton as Jack Ryan O'Hanlan
Original design copyright (c) Carla René.
2010.  All rights reserved.

 About 30-minutes ago, I finished chapter one of my NaNoWriMo novel, entitled, A Most Devout Coward.  I always push for about 2,500 average words for each chapter, give or take 2-300 in either direction.

On a side note, comedy-writing legend John Vorhaus, loved my comedic premise when I ran it by him two weeks ago, and has enthusiastically agreed to read the finished MS and offer me a blurb.  I'm so excited.  Might try and snake a forward out of him while I'm taking advantage of his talents.

I had taken great pains to plot this novel over the last month (while getting my advanced readers' copies of The Gaslight Journal out to my beta readers) and to outline it in great detail.

And yet at 5 p.m. when I sat down to actually write, aside from the opening scene of my protagonist in a diner, I had no clue how I would arrive at the only other scene I knew--the last, with him in the interrogation room at the 12th Precinct.

So.  Day one down, and twenty-nine more to go.  But I think I'll be fine.  I cranked out 2,600 pages every day of Gaslight and had it finished in 6 weeks, so I'm not worried about meeting my quota.

But come back tomorrow.  I may be drooling into my keyboard, screaming for coffee that I don't have, and certain I've seen D.B. Cooper at the local Piggy Wiggly in my sleep-deprivation.

(But I'm having a fantastic ride!)

P.S.--if you or anyone you know is interested in bettering your comedy-writing skills, and you're a member of either Goodreads.com or Shelfari.com, then do a group search my newly-formed comedy writing group, called Writing With My Colored Pencil.  Group name is the same for both.

I started both of these groups, because lately I've been hearing a lot of beginning and seasoned writers say things like, "I wish I were funnier," or, "I wish I knew how to write comedy."  We will be discussing all sorts of comedy writing tools that will make you funnier, even if you don't think you are.  And let's face it:  humour is one thing we all have in common, and apart from sex, it's the one thing that is proven to sell.